Saturday night

Next to last night in Colorado. Colorfilled place. Mountains that have been my home, the backdrop for my life for 33 years. Living at altitude. I decided I wanted a black canvas Carhart duster. To go with my red western hats. To go with my red cowgirl boots. A little bit of western attitude to take to the shores of Lake Michigan.

Having a full day with Dad, quiet evening sharing the living room with the Bronco's game and Cloverfield (if you haven't seen it, don't bother), the last one in the real world for a while. Hoping for some more face time with my son tomorrow.

Being away from my loved ones is most difficult. And I remember objections raised by folks who were very directly and clearly invited by Christ to follow--I must bury my father, I must see to my mother, I must finish my business, I must........and the harsh response - let the dead bury their dead....and I think that the crankiness wasn't about the specifics of the objection but the fact that these attachments were impediments, reasons to turn down a magnificent invitation. Did those who chose to lay down their nets and follow sever ties with those they loved? Likely not, tho' their loved ones may well have severed ties with them. No, family members formed a good part of the network that supported Jesus and all those who followed him during the short course of his active ministry.

And, thinking of that, I know that the invitation to follow Jesus doesn't mean dropping everyone, walking away. It means untying the attachment, not the love but the attachment. The Buddha speaks over and over of attachment as the thing that keeps us from spiritual growth, from enlightenment, from Nirvana. So I accept the invitation, untie the attachments, and move into this new adventure detached. Detached yet held grounded and centered by the golden, elastic ribbons of love that connect me eternally to all those I love who love me.

Thank God for such gifts. Thank God.

Moving on

Today, the movers came and emptied my storage unit. Most of the stuff lived there for a year. Last year around this time, I left my home, stashed my stuff and moved in with my father. While this decision came as the result of long-term unemployment that led to me losing my home, it has proved to be a glorious time. I have settled down, relaxed, and enjoyed sharing domicile with my father. Richness unexpected has derived from sharing time and space, food and coffee, television, and simply sitting quietly with laptops where they belong. Companionable silence--such a gift.

Today, the movers came and emptied my storage unit. Most of the stuff lived there for a year waiting, as I was waiting, for the next thing to happen. The next thing came, expected/unexpected. I was accepted into McCormick Theological Seminary's MDiv (Masters of Divinity) program. I leave Monday for the windy city, stuff in a really big truck, one of my pups in tow, my sister sharing the front seat with me.

This seems to be the culmination of a long period of hardship, sadness, uncertainty, loving, learning, sharing, growing, enlarging, becoming. Becoming. Curious concept. We learn that we are to work, study, grow up and become something. Become something then be that something to the end of our lives. Our concept requires becoming something and staying that something. I have begun to experience with vivid clarity that live is a process of endlessly becoming-----becoming more compassionate, becoming softer, becoming more willing to care, becoming stronger--enough stronger that a show of strength is no longer necessary. Becoming.

And so I embark on the next thing. Often the "next thing" is perceived to be a new page. In this case, the next thing is a new life. As I have embraced my calling to God's service in ministry, I have been led to understand that, having said yes to the call, the rest is inevitable. I know that this is what I was created for. I know this is what I am meant to be and to do. And, I know that this most particularly demands the eternal process of becoming because we are the endlessly created and recreated creature of God, gift from God to those we know, those we love; gift to the world gifted by God for God's own purposes.

Embarking on the next thing. Leaving at "home" my father, my son, my siblings and all my blessed and beloved friends. Our conversations now will be long distance, our shared meals and cups of coffee will be webcam and Skype--long distance. Leaving "home" to learn what it is God has asked me to learn so that I can be God's servant, manifestation of God's grace, flesh-bound presence of God upon the earth.

Please share my walk as I share it with you. And, please share your walk with me.